WHY SHE IS NOT GETTING MARRIED Written by Counselor Adofoli
After helping a good number of people with good relationships which many led to beautiful marriages, I also observed some things that are preventing a good number of singles from getting married although they desire, dream and wish to get married. Many have tried various ways, different tactics and strategies. Some even went as far as giving themselves deadlines, all to no avail.
I will outline a couple of popular ones for women today and do that for men another time. Singles get very uncomfortable when people tell them “You are growing”, “when are you getting married”, “when is the wedding coming on”, “when will you start your own family”. A statement that can send many into wrong relationships or depression. Making many feel they are late in life and everything is working against them because they are not married at a certain age.
There is absolutely nothing wrong when one says you are growing, if you think that statement is bad, what about “you are not growing?”, which is better. Lack of growth in any area of one’s life is a deficiency. If you are old and still act like a child, it’s a great concern. But growth should not push you into a bad relationship. Your growth should guide you into the right relationship. Your relationship should complement your growth.
So next time someone tells you, you are growing, smile and thank them, tell them to save money for the wedding. Don’t let that push you into a wrong relationship, for that is the first mistake lots of single women make. They go into a relationship to prove a point to such a statement. They go into the relationship without thinking whether it’s right or wrong. All they want is a marriage. They want their partner to promise marriage before the start of the relationship and when things don’t go well, they say he has disappointed them. Many single women’s slogan is “men always disappoint me”.
Another mistake is impatience. They don’t have time to learn and get to know their partner. They believe they have wasted enough time so they try to rush the relationship. They are so attached to the man to the extent that if their calls or messages are not replied or returned on time, they become bitter. Full of hurt, they say things they don’t have to say and by so doing, scare the man away.
Another mistake is bad attitude; many of them have a way of thinking which is worrying. Education is good but don’t think having a Masters or PhD in a field of study, research or experience should make you look down on others. Don’t feel you are better and more important than others and still want them to be in a relationship with you. If your academic qualification is more important to you than marriage then you don’t need marriage. If your certification comes before marriage then you don’t need a spouse. You need a Masters Degree or PhD to get a job but you don’t need that to get married.
Higher education is to make us better, to bring about positive change, to improve and enhance life, to carry others along. If your education makes you look down on others, those you look down on are the very people you need as a spouse. The man you look down on cannot be your equal partner in marriage. You cannot submit to such a man’s leadership in the name of marriage.
A lot of Ladies don’t know how a bad attitude can prevent them from getting a spouse, more than any spirit or force would. To any woman looking for marriage, the first step to finding a man is a good attitude. Lots of single ladies have bad attitudes. If you want to have a good relationship, it is tied to a goal, a goal to become better. Make it a goal to become a better person and you will end up with someone better.
In conclusion, “Do your best, prepare for the worst—then trust God to bring victory” – Proverbs 21:31 (MSG)
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Thank you for reading. ©️ Frank Edem Adofoli